Does your child avoid going to their friend’s birthday party or look for reasons to avoid summer camp or church groups? While a one-off incident might be a passing phase, if it becomes a recurring occurrence, it might be a sign of something more serious, like social anxiety. A study has revealed that approximately 5% of children and adolescents suffer from social anxiety disorder. 

Many parents mistake social anxiety for shyness. However, when your child is dealing with social anxiety, they likely feel vulnerable, fear negative criticism, and suffer from physical symptoms like dizziness, palpitations and trembling hands when dealing with triggers. Social anxiety in children and adolescents can also stem from other underlying conditions, such as autism, bullying, PTSD or trauma. 

If you find your child or teenager showing signs of social anxiety, you can connect with the experts at Youth Fairy, who are experienced in helping young people cope and manage mental health issues.

However, if you are concerned about your child's social anxiety, there are additional strategies you can use to help them manage it.

1. Accept Their Tempo

Children have their own social rhythm, and it can change over time. If they enjoyed making new friends at one point but now dislike interacting with unknown people, it doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s a problem. Finding the possible cause of the change is important, but you shouldn't concentrate only on "fixing" it.

Instead of pushing your child to socialise or play with others, you should understand the reason behind this fear. Were they bullied at the last party? Did they have an embarrassing situation? This will allow you to help your child better while giving them the space to explore their limits. 

If you are still concerned, you could visit a local therapist. 

2. Talk About What’s Coming Next

A lot of anxiety can stem from not knowing what’s coming next. Adults who experience anxiety prefer keeping things in their control by rehearsing conversations in their head or even checking menus and reviews if they are going to a new restaurant. Often, kids don’t have that kind of freedom. They depend on their parents to set their schedules or even basics like their next meal. 

When you let them know about what’s going on and what they can look forward to, it becomes easier for them and gives your child a clear idea of the when, where, who and what. This helps them prepare themselves accordingly.

3. Reassure Without Rushing

You would want your child to face their fears to build resilience. However, these tactics could backfire in some cases, especially when dealing with social anxiety. You need to help your child understand that whatever they’re feeling is okay and valid. 

We could fix the behaviour tomorrow, but today, they need to know that they are in a safe space to express their feelings. They need to feel confident that you, as a parent, understand their thoughts and are willing to respect them. Children need time to understand their feelings and thoughts, and then work on fixing them. If you rush them, it will only make them more anxious.

4. Let Them Take the Lead

Children learn by emulating; however, some things often make them uncomfortable. For example, at a party, adults might converse with others to keep themselves engaged. As parents, you might even push your child to emulate you and converse or play with other kids. However, if you find them unwilling, do not force them. Sometimes, it’s best to let your child take the lead. 

When you let them take the lead in setting boundaries or navigating situations in the way they feel best, they feel more in control and more comfortable trying new things. Small victories can build up over time and help them form a pattern of confidence.

5. Model Calm 

Your child will absorb the way you’re responding to stressful situations. If you panic when they are panicking or try hiding your anxiety while still radiating tension, they’ll try to mimic that. What you could do instead is try showing them how you’re regulating yourself. If there’s an accidental spill, instead of reacting loudly, you could take a few deep breaths, voice out that it was a mistake, and that’s okay, and start cleaning up. 

When you model coping strategies like deep breaths, talking it out or taking a break, you also give your child a toolkit they can try. It’s also sometimes okay to react strongly to situations, as long as you can talk it out later and discuss what you could have done differently with your child. 

6. Praise Effort, Not Just Outcome

Was your child only able to sing one verse of the song during an annual school performance before experiencing a panic attack in the middle of the performance? Instead of scolding them, praise them for the effort. 

When you start praising these smaller efforts, it helps them internally track their own progress and remain less anxious about wins.

You will not be able to eliminate social anxiety, but you could reward small wins like saying hello to one new person every day or playing with a new group of friends. You just need to make sure that your child feels capable of coping when faced with anxiety.

7. Know When Not to Step In

There will be times when your child needs a gentle nudge, but there will also be times when you should let them chart their own journey. If your child is visibly getting more upset or if their anxiety is manifesting in physical symptoms, it might be time to pause the nudging. 

Supporting a child to overcome anxiety isn’t about forcing exposure until they ‘get over it’, it’s about building trust, strengthening their confidence and getting external support when required.

Summing It Up

We’ll be honest, social anxiety isn’t always something a child will grow out of. For many, it’s a trait they’ll manage well into adulthood. However, with the right support, they can learn to function properly with it. Social anxiety is unpredictable and can show up unexpectedly. That said, if your child is armed with coping strategies and your support, it becomes easier for them to manage these situations. 

They can show up to football practice, attend birthday parties, and speak up in class. This is not because their fear has vanished but because they built the skills to handle it. That’s what growth looks like.