Today we are excited because I have a post from Alex Wise a featured publisher of Loveawake.com dating site. He is a recognized expert on love, marriage and relationships and he is amazing. He beautifully explains in this insightful article why it is difficult to find a man whose words and thoughts matched up. We hope you learn more and enjoy the reading as we did.
It can be challenging, but here are a few important tips that make it so much easier.
The most common question asked by women who want to meet trustworthy men is…
“Why do men have such a hard time communicating?”
I have received a whole lot of emails from women … all with basically the same situation and question.
Here’s an example:
“I went out on a first date with a man that I recently met. We really seemed to hit it off, discovered a lot in common and had an amazing evening.
At the end of the date, he said what a great time he had and would like to call me next week to go out again. I was thrilled and waited by the phone that week hoping every time it rang it would be him. He never called”.
“My question is:”
“Why can’t men just communicate the truth? Why couldn’t he just be honest at the end of the date and say he just didn’t feel any chemistry with me or whatever it was for him instead of lying to me”?
Here is my answer…
I’ve researched and studied this problem extensively and I, as well as other dating coaches, all tend to agree as to why this happens.
So here you go…
It’s NOT the men who have “great difficulty communicating”
It’s as women…when we don’t ‘understand men’…
it causes us to be in a state of confusion and misinterpretation of the events.
When he doesn’t call, even though in you felt you and he had an awesome evening…
It’s because of your communication (NOT HIS) that he disappears.
When you don’t understand how men are wired, it’s easy to unknowingly push them away.
Actually, men are pretty simple once you understand them.
Sadly, it’s us women that complicate things.
Today, with so many independent, strong, smart, single women there is even more
of a gap between you and the man sitting across from you.
If you’re a ‘divorced woman’ that adds an additional layer of complication to how you may be unconsciously pushing him away.
It’s not your fault….but it is your problem.
One thing I can tell you… it’s very seldom if ever is because he’s not attracted to you.
You can take this to the bank:
If he spends more than 5 minutes in conversation with you, it’s because he was attracted to you… until you unknowingly pushed him away.
If you feel yourself getting even just slightly defensive because of what of what you just read…that’s a clue… you need to make some changes.
On the other hand, if you feel curious to learn more…that is showing openness for some self-discovery. Give yourself a pat on the back for that.
The first step in self-discovery is to listen to your own words and be aware of your emotions when you describe these men who say they will call…but don’t
Are you angry and feeling set up because you actually believed him and expected him to call?
Do you energize the story by repeating it to your girlfriends or in your mind over and over again?
Words are powerful and whatever you’re saying, or even just thinking in your own mind… will show up in your life either positively or negatively.
In other words,(pun intended) if you keep talking about or thinking that men aren’t honest or men are liars etc… then that’s exactly the kind of men you probably will continue to meet.
But that’s just part of the equation:
If you meet a good guy, but unknowingly push him away… he will probably say he’ll call you (when he knows he won’t).
The reality is it’s awkward to end a date by saying see ya around or bye. So if he’s a good guy, he’s trying to be polite and not hurt your feelings.
Instead of feeling hurt, angry or mislead… put yourself in the mindset of being curious.
Start to look at patterns within yourself that may give you some clues into how you have unknowingly pushed him away.
Curiosity is different than blaming yourself and feeling bad about something you may have done. Being curious is a healthy self-discovery exercise.
As an example, if you are a strong independent type of gal… you’re softer more feminine side may not be visible. If this is the case you will push him away even though that’s not your intention.
If you want a strong independent type guy…he does not want that same attribute in a woman. He wants a nurturing and caring female that can make him feel accepted and appreciated.
He wants to feel like you are sincerely interested and listening to what he has to say.
If you are judging what he’s sharing or thinking about what you want to say next, a guy picks up that vibe and is not motivated to hang out with you again.
This is where the communication goes haywire.
If you’re not exhibiting your natural feminine qualities which allows the guy to be his ‘manly self’… then he begins to feel like he’s communicating with another guy.
And that will push him away faster than you can say ‘Adios’
As a woman in today’s world, you have to become strong and independent to be a successful single mom and career woman to take care of you and your family’s needs.
And that’s a good thing…
But what we are dealing with here is a two-sided coin. The other side of the coin needs to be your feminine softer side.
The nurturing and caring side of you that is willing to at least pretend to accept help from a big strong man.
So first…look at all of the aspects of who you are:
You may be a Mom, you’re probably working in a demanding job and you’re responsible to take care of all the things necessary in running a household and being financially responsible.
But the part of you that you want to bring to your dates is the other side of the coin. The female attributes are essential to meeting quality men.
Basically, you need to switch gears from the everyday persona to the dating persona.
If you feel like you’re not even connected to your authentic feminine side… here are some things you can do that will help.
Pamper yourself. Get a manicure and pedicure plus a message. Take a long bath and put some great smelling bath salts in the water.
Light some candles and put some music on. Do this a couple times a week.
Buy some sexy underwear and notice when you wear it how you just feel more feminine. Try a new perfume, get a new hairstyle and update the way you are applying your makeup.
These are just a few suggestions… but you need to do whatever it is that brings out the girlie part of you.
If you will just put a little effort into getting back to your authentic feminine self-things will improve in your dating life rather quickly.
Now, there may be and probably are other ways you are unknowingly pushing men away. But we’ll get to those in another blog. For now, give this a shot… and you will notice more men actually calling you when they say they will.
Love to hear your comments and if you agree or disagree.